At 7:30 yesterday morning I left the warmth of my home, climbed into my frigid car and started the engine. My hands ached with cold as I clutched the steering wheel, driving myself to a nearby laboratory; I was going to get my blood drawn so I could know, once more, whether or not I was pregnant. I could see the sun rising through snow covered trees.
I sat in silence before the rising sun- no radio, no music- willing my broken heart to be brave. Whispering prayers to my God for hope and courage and mostly for life. That the blood they'd take from me in minutes would contain that thing it never had before: HCG. Pregnancy hormone. That it would point us to a secret: a baby, growing inside. My snowflake.
It took all morning and half of the afternoon for my results to come in.
The fear was overwhelming as I waited. I wrapped my heart around hope the best I could.
Until the phone finally rang.
John said he knew right away by the tone of her voice- the nurse. I wasn't going to let myself believe it until I heard the words out of her mouth. And I did:
I have good news for you! You're pregnant!
I'm pregnant!
I'm pregnant!
I'M PREGNANT!
I let out some kind of indecipherable cry that meant something like I'm so happy and Are you for real? and I think I'm in shock!
I don't really remember the rest of the phone call except that I made an appointment for an OB ULTRASOUND (WHAT?!) on March 13.
My HCG level was 52; I go back tomorrow for another (routine) blood draw. We will be looking for my number to increase by at least 80%, preferably double. Please keep praying that our snowflake will continue to grow!
I'M PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!
We spent the rest of our afternoon and evening telling our families and a few close friends. One of my friends gave me a box of her son's hand-me-downs last fall to go through. In the box was a soft yellow shirt with the words "awesome brother" sewn across the front. I kept that shirt folded up in a tupperware under Arie's bed for months. It was a true joy to finally slip it over his head and onto his body! As I had longed dreamed of doing, I shared our news with our group of friends by asking them how cute they thought Arie looked in this hand-me-down. "A little big, but I think it will fit in time for fall!"
The reactions were amazing. My favorite was this screen shot of a friend telling her husband:
And speaking of hallelujahs, my friend Jeannine- who has walked this road of infertility herself- has been walking beside me through this journey in a way that only those who have "been there" can. Through her and her husband's long journey to parenthood her friend poised a "hallelujah" banner, ready to wave when God finally brought them their children. They brought their twin boys home from Bulgaria two autumns ago and I remember that banner lifted high in their playroom when we to meet them for the first time. Jeannine told me she had that same banner ready to wave when I had good news to share. True to her word, when I shared the news last night she texted me this picture:
In the bathtub because when God gives you a good and perfect gift, you stop to worship wherever you are.
Telling our families was of course the very best. Both moms cried. John and I woke Arie up early from his nap to share the news; I don't recommend sharing news with your newly woken up child. He gave us a half smile and then asked for a snack. I think this will become more real for him when my belly starts getting big. I say that because a few days ago he poked my boobs and asked if the babies were "in dere?" Ha! Because that's the only bump on my body where a baby could be. BUT NOT FOR LONG!
I posted these verses on Facebook from Psalm 118 the day of our transfer; let me now share them again:
xo
I sat in silence before the rising sun- no radio, no music- willing my broken heart to be brave. Whispering prayers to my God for hope and courage and mostly for life. That the blood they'd take from me in minutes would contain that thing it never had before: HCG. Pregnancy hormone. That it would point us to a secret: a baby, growing inside. My snowflake.
It took all morning and half of the afternoon for my results to come in.
The fear was overwhelming as I waited. I wrapped my heart around hope the best I could.
Until the phone finally rang.
John said he knew right away by the tone of her voice- the nurse. I wasn't going to let myself believe it until I heard the words out of her mouth. And I did:
I have good news for you! You're pregnant!
I'm pregnant!
I'm pregnant!
I'M PREGNANT!
I let out some kind of indecipherable cry that meant something like I'm so happy and Are you for real? and I think I'm in shock!
I don't really remember the rest of the phone call except that I made an appointment for an OB ULTRASOUND (WHAT?!) on March 13.
My HCG level was 52; I go back tomorrow for another (routine) blood draw. We will be looking for my number to increase by at least 80%, preferably double. Please keep praying that our snowflake will continue to grow!
I'M PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!
We spent the rest of our afternoon and evening telling our families and a few close friends. One of my friends gave me a box of her son's hand-me-downs last fall to go through. In the box was a soft yellow shirt with the words "awesome brother" sewn across the front. I kept that shirt folded up in a tupperware under Arie's bed for months. It was a true joy to finally slip it over his head and onto his body! As I had longed dreamed of doing, I shared our news with our group of friends by asking them how cute they thought Arie looked in this hand-me-down. "A little big, but I think it will fit in time for fall!"
The reactions were amazing. My favorite was this screen shot of a friend telling her husband:
And speaking of hallelujahs, my friend Jeannine- who has walked this road of infertility herself- has been walking beside me through this journey in a way that only those who have "been there" can. Through her and her husband's long journey to parenthood her friend poised a "hallelujah" banner, ready to wave when God finally brought them their children. They brought their twin boys home from Bulgaria two autumns ago and I remember that banner lifted high in their playroom when we to meet them for the first time. Jeannine told me she had that same banner ready to wave when I had good news to share. True to her word, when I shared the news last night she texted me this picture:
In the bathtub because when God gives you a good and perfect gift, you stop to worship wherever you are.
Telling our families was of course the very best. Both moms cried. John and I woke Arie up early from his nap to share the news; I don't recommend sharing news with your newly woken up child. He gave us a half smile and then asked for a snack. I think this will become more real for him when my belly starts getting big. I say that because a few days ago he poked my boobs and asked if the babies were "in dere?" Ha! Because that's the only bump on my body where a baby could be. BUT NOT FOR LONG!
I posted these verses on Facebook from Psalm 118 the day of our transfer; let me now share them again:
The Lord has done it this very day; let us rejoice today and be glad.
Lord, save us! Lord, grant us success!
You are my God, and I will praise you; you are my God, and I will exalt you.
Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever.
(Psalm 118:24-25, 28-29 NIV)
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I know. The second line didn't really show up in this picture. It's faint, but it's there! I promise. Been waiting a LONG TIME to see that second line! |
xo