The pendulum swings

This infertility stuff is no joke. From the dark of pessimism and hopelessness I have swung to hope and great anticipation. I said it before and I will say it again: roller coaster. After 5 days of Clomid followed by the strangest sensation of burning ovaries (very uncomfortable, I'm sure you can imagine), my ultrasound yesterday yielded good results! Two big follicles! Yes.

Last night I gave myself the Ovidrel injection. I was always confidant that I could give myself a shot, but I will admit it took me a couple, "One... two... three!" tries to actually stab it in my belly. To any woman out there anticipating this shot- they are telling the truth when they tell you it doesn't hurt. You may, however, experience a temporary high which will tell you that you are superwoman and can conquer the world. Giving yourself a shot for the first time = you're kind of a big deal.

Tomorrow is IUI day.

IUI success rates are actually only about the same as a fertile couple trying to conceive: about 20% per cycle. That is a bummer of a number to say the least. Still, I feel hopeful. John calls it a "guarded hope." Hope, tempered by fear of disappointment. That's probably the best way to describe it.

So maybe tomorrow I will conceive my first biological child. It would be 2 days short of one year from the day I legally became Arie's mama. I'm trying to tell the universe how poetic that would be. Maybe it will swing the odds in my favor. ;-)

"In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD determines their steps." - Proverbs 16:9

Trying my best to hold on to tomorrow with open hands.

The LORD will determine my steps.



  1. So excited for you and praying that this is it! I also love that you are feeling optimistic and hopeful, I can hear it in your words. :D

  2. Sending prayers and positive thoughts your way!

  3. Crossing my fingers! 2 follies is great!!!

  4. Anonymous10/09/2013

    Good luck with your IUI! I will be praying for you.

  5. Anonymous10/09/2013

    I am keeping your family in your thoughts. We don't have the same faith and I do not share your experiences, but your words are beautiful and call to my heart.

    1. Anonymous10/09/2013

      My thoughts, not your thoughts

  6. Sharon Collet10/09/2013

    I love the feeling of hope that resonates within me as I read your words. Started reading your blog as a friend of Heidi's. It is a privilege to follow along your journey with you and pray for you. What a beautiful life you have created for Arie. He is precious and you are all so blessed to be part of each other. God bless :)

  7. Oh Jill! So glad you responded well to the Clomid! Praying for you as you enter your 2WW that God gives you much patience!

    We just started oral drugs again yesterday (I say we, but let's be real, I definitely have the bigger burden than my husband right now!) and waiting not so patiently for our mid-cycle u/s. We had one lovely follie last month- I'm hoping for two on my good ovary or, one on each this month!

  8. What amazing news!! I really hope the IUI works out and you get a positive sign soon!!!


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