2/24/15

Embryo transfer #2: results

At 7:30 yesterday morning I left the warmth of my home, climbed into my frigid car and started the engine. My hands ached with cold as I clutched the steering wheel, driving myself to a nearby laboratory; I was going to get my blood drawn so I could know, once more, whether or not I was pregnant. I could see the sun rising through snow covered trees.

I sat in silence before the rising sun- no radio, no music- willing my broken heart to be brave. Whispering prayers to my God for hope and courage and mostly for life. That the blood they'd take from me in minutes would contain that thing it never had before: HCG. Pregnancy hormone. That it would point us to a secret: a baby, growing inside. My snowflake.

It took all morning and half of the afternoon for my results to come in.

The fear was overwhelming as I waited. I wrapped my heart around hope the best I could.

Until the phone finally rang.

John said he knew right away by the tone of her voice- the nurse. I wasn't going to let myself believe it until I heard the words out of her mouth. And I did:

I have good news for you! You're pregnant!

I'm pregnant!

I'm pregnant!

I'M PREGNANT!

I let out some kind of indecipherable cry that meant something like I'm so happy and Are you for real? and I think I'm in shock! 

I don't really remember the rest of the phone call except that I made an appointment for an OB ULTRASOUND (WHAT?!) on March 13.

My HCG level was 52; I go back tomorrow for another (routine) blood draw. We will be looking for my number to increase by at least 80%, preferably double. Please keep praying that our snowflake will continue to grow!

I'M PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!

 We spent the rest of our afternoon and evening telling our families and a few close friends. One of my friends gave me a box of her son's hand-me-downs last fall to go through. In the box was a  soft yellow shirt with the words "awesome brother" sewn across the front. I kept that shirt folded up in a tupperware under Arie's bed for months. It was a  true joy to finally slip it over his head and onto his body! As I had longed dreamed of doing, I shared our news with our group of friends by asking them how cute they thought Arie looked in this hand-me-down. "A little big, but I think it will fit in time for fall!"

The reactions were amazing. My favorite was this screen shot of a friend telling her husband:

And speaking of hallelujahs, my friend Jeannine- who has walked this road of infertility herself- has been walking beside me through this journey in a way that only those who have "been there" can. Through her and her husband's long journey to parenthood her friend poised a "hallelujah" banner, ready to wave when God finally brought them their children. They brought their twin boys home from Bulgaria two autumns ago and I remember that banner lifted high in their playroom when we to meet them for the first time. Jeannine told me she had that same banner ready to wave when I had good news to share. True to her word, when I shared the news last night she texted me this picture:

In the bathtub because when God gives you a good and perfect gift, you stop to worship wherever you are. 

Telling our families was of course the very best. Both moms cried. John and I woke Arie up early from his nap to share the news; I don't recommend sharing news with your newly woken up child. He gave us a half smile and then asked for a snack. I think this will become more real for him when my belly starts getting big. I say that because a few days ago he poked my boobs and asked if the babies were "in dere?" Ha! Because that's the only bump on my body where a baby could be. BUT NOT FOR LONG! 

I posted these verses on Facebook from Psalm 118 the day of our transfer; let me now share them again: 


The Lord has done it this very day; let us rejoice today and be glad. 
Lord, save us! Lord, grant us success!


You are my God, and I will praise you; you are my God, and I will exalt you.
 Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever. 
(Psalm 118:24-25, 28-29 NIV)


I know. The second line didn't really show up in this picture.
 It's faint, but it's there! I promise.
Been waiting a LONG TIME to see that second line! 

xo

49 comments:

  1. I talked with my higher power and asked for this - that you would be pregnant. Congratulations!

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  2. Yaaaaaaaay! Congratulations!

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  3. MirellaC.2/24/2015

    I cried for you because I prayed for you... and our God answers prayers! Hallelujah. I'm so happy... have a great, healthy PREGNANCY! <3

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  4. That's fantastic! Congratulations Jillian, John, and Arie!!!!

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  5. Oh my goodness, this post completely made my day. I AM SO INCREDIBLY HAPPY FOR YOU GUYS!!!! Seriously, I have chills reading this. I will be praying that everything goes smoothly for you throughout your pregnancy and that the baby(ies) continue to grow healthy and strong.

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  7. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  8. Yay!!! A HUGE congratulations to you guys!! Hallelujah indeed!!

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  9. Congratulations!!! It's like not other feeling ever! After 4 years and 11 months of infertility we got our 2 pink lines!!! We are due September 7, so I know exactly how you feel right now! Grow baby grow!

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  10. Crying crazy happy tears. Been praying for this for so long!!! Come on doubling betas! Be good to us!!!! Oh yeah and CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

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  11. Literally just shouted in the middle of my office when I read this.

    I just knew that no news was good news, and the radio silence on the blog was an impending announcement!

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  12. Anonymous2/24/2015

    Oh my goodness! Congratulations!!!! There has to be a word bigger than that to express how amazing this is, but I am at a loss. I have been a long time reader (don't comment much because I can never think of what to say) but THIS! THIS IS AMAZING!

    ~Angelika

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  13. I'm crying! I'm so happy for you! Praise God! He is so so so good!

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  14. God is good! Huuuuuge congrats to your beautiful family!

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  15. Hello- you don't know me but I have been following your story since before Arie came home (via adoption bump board at first as our son joined our family via adoption and we've been waiting for our second child for 14+ months now). I just FELT this would be the outcome. Congrats. Wishing you a happy and healthy 9 months. Thrilled for you and your family!

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  16. Wow! I think I'm in a little bit of shock. Walking through this journey with you has been an interesting experience as I have been going through my own struggles of a slightly different kind. I am so happy for you though! God is good! ALL the time! :) HUGS!

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  17. Prayers of Thanksgiving and a happy and healthy 9 months to you!

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  18. Anonymous2/24/2015

    Crying thankful tears! Continuing to pray with you all. You and I are due at similar times...!

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  19. Rejoicing with you! God is good!

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  20. That is awesome. So happy for you! Congratulations!!

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  21. Anonymous2/24/2015

    I have been following your very courageous stories and I must commend you for your strength and devotion. I'm truly happy for you and your family and wish and pray that your pregnancy is a healthy one. I'm soooo thrilled for you... CONGRATS!!!

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  22. Congratulations!!! I've been following your story for a few years now, with a good friend adopting (her baby is due tomorrow!) and dealing with infertility ourselves (due in 2.5 weeks!). This has truly been a season of families being made in such GOOD, good ways. I'd like to just blame preggo hormones for the tears I'm crying for you now, but I think it's really that the Lord is so good! Above our understanding, beyond our control, and so, so good. I am so happy for you!

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  23. Kathryn2/24/2015

    God is so good. I have been following along with your story throughout the past years, praying for you and your family and for this very news. Congratulations, I am so, so happy for you. Open that bottle of bubbly (water) and raise a glass to the Lord of Life. Happy pregnancy!!

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  24. I've been following your blog for a while, primarily because your raw and honest faith is an inspiration to me - but I've never been one to comment, until now. I've been praying diligently for you, especially over the past two weeks. Blessed be the name of the Lord - who gives and takes away. Soli Deo Gloria - to God alone be the glory for this gift of life!

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  25. That's wonderful. Congratulations!

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  26. Anonymous2/24/2015

    I have been following your story for quite a while - since a getting pregnant message board in fact! Tears filled my eyes when I read this. Congratulations, you and your husband deserve this wonderful news and happiness! Can't wait to see you document your pregnancy on the blog!

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  27. Anonymous2/24/2015

    Dear Jillian and family,
    I've been checking your blog daily for the past few days (not quite remembering when your two weeks of waiting would be over.) Every morning as I woke up, I prayed for your heart as you waited; praying for God to be faithful to you in a new way this time... with a baby. What a day of rejoicing! Thank you for sharing your story and for allowing all of us to be part of your excitement! We don't know each other, but congratulations, dear friend... and may you and your snowflake(s?) be held securely in His arms. In our home, the phrase "Nothing was forgotten" is one we cling to, trusting that the God we serve wastes nothing, uses everything, and always surprises us with His Goodness when we look for it. Praying that you will continue to find that He has forgotten nothing in your quest of Him and that He continues to meets you, your husband, your son, and your baby inside (YOU HAVE A BABY INSIDE YOU!!!!!!!!!) each day with His love!

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  28. Anonymous2/24/2015

    I've been following your blog and inspired by your words in the good and tough times. I've been praying for your growing family and was overjoyed to hear the good news! Enjoy this season of answered prayer! God is so good!!

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  29. I am soooo happy for you!
    I have been following your journey for a long time and actually wrote a comment about looking into snow flake adoption at some point...

    Try to have them check your Progesterone levels when they draw your blood. A lot of people have issue because the levels are low but if its known it is easy to deal with ...
    Sorry, I probably just overthink stuff .... but I am SO happy for all of you!

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  30. A line is a line, no matter how small :) Congratulations!!

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  31. Jillian, I read this post earlier today while my students were inside for the fourth indoor recess day due to frigid temps. While I watched as they played and try to spin off excess energy in the room, I treated myself to reading some blogs. This was such WONDERFUL news to hear that I immediately left my class in the care of the teacher next door and went to find your mom to give her a hug. I'll be joining so many others in prayer that God will continue this miracle with a viable pregnancy as your body shields and nurtures this little life. A huge congratulations!

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  32. I am SO happy to hear this news!!! I wish you a joyous and happy pregnancy!

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  33. Congrats! I've been following your blog for awhile and cried tears of joy this morning, it was wonderful news to wake up to! I'll continue to pray for your family and the little bean/s you've got growing! Thanks for sharing your life with us!

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  34. Congratulations!!!! May the good news continue to pour in!

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  35. You have me goosebumps!!! Grow baby grow!!! I can not wait to hear your updates!!!!! Congratulations!!

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  36. Am Sammy Elisha from USA This was How i got my lover back, All thanks goes to Dr ALABI for saving my marriage from toning apart.i feel so grateful and only have good words about a powerful spell caster named Dr ALABI who helped me bring back my wife. We had been apart for 4 months, at first I was thinking if I was doing the right thing by contacting a spell caster, but I so much love my wife and won't give her up for anything in this world. I decided to contact Dr ALABI.Trust through his mail address {alabitemple@yahoo.com} I found on several testifiers messages online,and I told him about my situation, he laughed and told me my lover will be back to me in the next 48 hours. I felt it wasn't going to happen at first until my lover called me and was so eager to have me back more than anything on earth.. Now we are together and she cant do without me,and both of us are happy. I feel so happy sharing this testimony because there was no negative act attached to his work. His work was smooth and fast. Thanks to Dr ALABI for bringing back happiness to my life. I swear with my life that Dr ALABI is a man to trust and take your problems to. You can contact him on his e-mail if you really truly want your love back.{alabitemple@yahoo.com}

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  37. Anonymous2/25/2015

    Congratulations! Your joy is palpable :)

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  38. awesome awesome awesome!!!!!

    I stopped in my tracks and said a prayer for a healthy happy solid pregnancy and a sweet baby (or babies?) in your arms at the end.

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  39. Anonymous2/25/2015

    This is so incredibly amazing! I am so happy for you! I literally ran over and told my co-worker and we were both so excited as we have been waiting for your results lol. I have been on a fertility journey as well and am just about to enter (yet another) two week wait. The wait is hard but seeing such beautiful stories like this make it easier. Congratulations to you and your family!

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  40. Anonymous2/25/2015

    I have been following your blog for a while now, and I am so extremely happy for you! Congratulations!!

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  41. Anxious to hear that your HCG results did what they needed to do! Been silently following for a long time. Happy for you!!

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  42. Amazing! Amazing! Amazing! Thank you Lord!!! Lord, by your grace and mercy and power and love...please let these snowflakes GROW and mature into STRONG lives, a visible testimony to what you can do. Congratulations, Jillian!

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  43. Anonymous2/25/2015

    Congratulations to the whole family! We conceived our 3-month-old son through IVF also and I well remember how time stood still when I recognized the number on the phone calling to let us know our results. So excited for you. I blame post-partum hormones but I teared up a little when I read the news.

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  44. Anonymous2/26/2015

    That's amazing news!!!! I've been following your blog for some time and can feel your excitement and joy through your post. Congrats to the whole family!!!!

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  45. When I read the words on your blog, "you're pregnant", I cried. I am SO happy for you!

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  46. Congratulations! :) I feel like I know you in a way from reading your blog the past few years & its wonderful to see God give you the desire of your heart. I pray that you have a smooth pregnancy and that God bless you, your baby & whole family throughout this pregnancy.

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