This past weekend John, Arie, and I headed over to Ontario (where I'm from) to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family. Our celebratory dinner was particularly meaningful this year because it fell on the two year anniversary of our court date in Russia. The contrast between the anxiety I fought against two years ago sitting in that court room and the peaceful contentedness I felt sitting at the Thanksgiving table moved me to gratitude.

I'm so thankful I get to call this boy my own.

It has become tradition in our family to go on a walk after dinner. We grunt and stretch as we bend over our stuffed bellies to tie our shoelaces and get out the door. We grab the stroller and the dogs- trying not to get the leashes tangled in the wheels- and head toward the park. Arie runs the entire way, this year picking up sticks and swinging them recklessly at Uncle Justin and yelling gleefully, "ARRR MANEY! SHIMMER ME TIMMERS!"

Any disciplinary words about stick swinging are met with sincere protest, "BUT I'M A PIRATE, MOM!"

Well, then.

Carry on.

At the park we forget how full we are and let our inner children run free, hoping on playground equipment and laughing until we can hardly breathe when we realize we can't even swing from one monkey bar before our feet touch the ground.

John and Justin competitively count how many chin ups they can do. Justin wins with 15, but then feels a little queazy. We are still really full, after all.

When all the grownups have finished playing and Mom has given up trying to fly a kite in breezeless sky we call Arie from the slides and start heading home.

I've brought the stroller to push his tired little body back, but he insists he can still walk.

And he does, swinging sticks all the way.

Two years ago I was dreaming of these days as I celebrated a Russian judge's decree. The longing I felt back then makes these days so much sweeter; I am grateful.

I remember calling my parents from Moscow in 2012 and telling them that there would be one more seat at the table next Thanksgiving. The joy I felt at that picture was overwhelming! This year I could not help but imagine that John and I would be eating with one hand, juggling a baby or two in the other, pushing a full stroller down those same sidewalks after dinner, and snuggling our baby (babies??) at the park.

Dreaming and longing and believing this season of anticipation will make the fulfillment oh so sweet.

Exactly two weeks until transfer!



  1. Good luck at your transfer in two weeks! Praying for you and your family!

  2. Anonymous10/15/2014

    I am thinking of you and hoping your transfer is successful!

    I have been following your blog for years :-)

    You wrote previously about how adoption has "solved the problem" of being childless, but not infertility.

    I am interested in your thoughts on embryo adoption - hopefully it will "solve the problem" of not being able to experience pregnancy, but perhaps not solve infertility?

    Maybe an idea for a future article?

    1. It's interesting that you asked this question because I have been thinking about it a lot lately. I think it would be a healing experience for me to experience pregnancy but you are right; it doesn't totally solve my infertility. Thankfully for me the desire has been to be pregnant, not to be genetically linked to a child… so I think that will work in my favor. I'll have to come back to this topic in the future after I've experienced pregnancy. Thanks for asking.

  3. Praying for you! The hubs and I will be shortly behind you. Our baseline is in 11 days. Hopefully you (and I) will be too nauseous to over-indulge on Christmas goodies this year!

    God bless you Jill!

  4. Anonymous10/16/2014

    Happy Thanksgiving! :) Our family also has a tradition of going for a fall walk after dinner. This year, due to weather, we walked Sunday late-afternoon (before dinner) and had our big meal on Monday. It was much more comfortable! :)


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