I keep thinking to myself, "Today could be the last Wednesday of my infertility. I could be pregnant for every Wednesday from now until I give birth."
Praying for that reality with my every breath.
There is only one week between today and our transfer date. Eep! At this point, I'm basically a walking exclamation point!
I've also thought that this could be our last fall as a family of three. We've included Arie in this season of anticipation, talking to him about how I'm going to the doctor to hopefully get a baby in my tummy and inviting him to pray for his future sibling(s). It's a weird thing to talk to your four year old about, but he's been asking for a sibling for a while (because most of his friends have them) and he's still young enough that I don't worry too much about his disappointment if the worst should happen and we loose all four snowflakes. We keep our conversation hopeful and light. In response, Arie has offered frequent prayers for his siblings. "Please give us one boy baby and one gwurl baby." At first he wanted them both at the same time (twins!) and now he has morphed this request into a very specific, "FIRST one boy baby and THEN one gwurl baby."
Personally, I'm still praying for twins. I know twin pregnancies are not without risk and parenting twins not without challenges, but if we are able to transfer two embryos (as is the plan) I cannot do anything but pray that both will survive and thrive. Oh how I long to see these babies grow! Trusting their lives to God's sovereignty.
I cannot wait to see Arie as a big brother. Lately he's been telling me that "when we get a baby I gonna tell the baby, 'Oh you are SO SMART!'" Ha! I guess he hears that a lot from us.
Though I am mostly excited to see him as a big brother, there is always a part of me that twinges when I think that he won't be the baby in our family anymore. As children do, he has grown up so fast! The smiling chubby little baby boy I brought home almost two years ago is a now a chatty, lean little boy. His babyish ways ways are disappearing as he speaks more clearly and acts more capably. I cherish these days with him.
Earlier this week we enjoyed a cloudy but warm fall day so Arie and I took advantage by going on a hike. Technically it's not really "hiking" with a four year old… more like strolling with bursts of running interrupted with sudden stops to pick up sticks, marvel at a brook, or collect leaves.
It's fantastic being able to spend so much time with my little man one-on-one. It is. But... we're both ready for more. I'm ready to walk through these same woods with a baby on my back, to pick up dropped pacifiers, to stop at benches along to way for diaper changes or nursing sessions, and to figure out the mom-juggle I know I'll face when Arie's not my only child anymore. Arie is ready to be a big brother too. Ready to learn how to share me, to act patiently when we have to slow down for the baby/ies, to assert more of his independence, and to grab hold of the responsibility and authority that goes along with being the oldest child. We're ready for the change.
One week! And counting.
xo
Praying for that reality with my every breath.
There is only one week between today and our transfer date. Eep! At this point, I'm basically a walking exclamation point!
I've also thought that this could be our last fall as a family of three. We've included Arie in this season of anticipation, talking to him about how I'm going to the doctor to hopefully get a baby in my tummy and inviting him to pray for his future sibling(s). It's a weird thing to talk to your four year old about, but he's been asking for a sibling for a while (because most of his friends have them) and he's still young enough that I don't worry too much about his disappointment if the worst should happen and we loose all four snowflakes. We keep our conversation hopeful and light. In response, Arie has offered frequent prayers for his siblings. "Please give us one boy baby and one gwurl baby." At first he wanted them both at the same time (twins!) and now he has morphed this request into a very specific, "FIRST one boy baby and THEN one gwurl baby."
Personally, I'm still praying for twins. I know twin pregnancies are not without risk and parenting twins not without challenges, but if we are able to transfer two embryos (as is the plan) I cannot do anything but pray that both will survive and thrive. Oh how I long to see these babies grow! Trusting their lives to God's sovereignty.
I cannot wait to see Arie as a big brother. Lately he's been telling me that "when we get a baby I gonna tell the baby, 'Oh you are SO SMART!'" Ha! I guess he hears that a lot from us.
Though I am mostly excited to see him as a big brother, there is always a part of me that twinges when I think that he won't be the baby in our family anymore. As children do, he has grown up so fast! The smiling chubby little baby boy I brought home almost two years ago is a now a chatty, lean little boy. His babyish ways ways are disappearing as he speaks more clearly and acts more capably. I cherish these days with him.
Earlier this week we enjoyed a cloudy but warm fall day so Arie and I took advantage by going on a hike. Technically it's not really "hiking" with a four year old… more like strolling with bursts of running interrupted with sudden stops to pick up sticks, marvel at a brook, or collect leaves.
It's fantastic being able to spend so much time with my little man one-on-one. It is. But... we're both ready for more. I'm ready to walk through these same woods with a baby on my back, to pick up dropped pacifiers, to stop at benches along to way for diaper changes or nursing sessions, and to figure out the mom-juggle I know I'll face when Arie's not my only child anymore. Arie is ready to be a big brother too. Ready to learn how to share me, to act patiently when we have to slow down for the baby/ies, to assert more of his independence, and to grab hold of the responsibility and authority that goes along with being the oldest child. We're ready for the change.
One week! And counting.
xo
It has been great blessing to read your blog over the last several years as my husband and I traversed our own adoption journey. Whilst enduring a heartbreaking failed international placement, and then experiencing the joy of adopting our babe domestically, I remember the encouraging feeling of solidarity when a momma who had walked a similar road to mine shared that they were praying for me. Jill, I am praying for your family. I pray that God's indescribable and all consuming peace surrounds you as you approach this exciting day!
ReplyDeleteI'm so excited for you and your family. Can't wait to see what God does!
ReplyDeleteThis post gave me shivers. I am so excited for you and praying that the transfer goes well and you ARE in fact pregnant for every Wednesday until you give birth. Sending so many positive vibes and well wishes your way.
ReplyDeleteYou don't know me, but I've been following your blog for the past few years. God has spoken to me so much through it...I am truly grateful to you and your family for being willing to share your journey so vulnerably. My prayers are with you as you prepare to receive these new lives into your family. May Jesus bless you with health, strength, grace, peace and great joy through the journey. As I've been praying for you over the past week, the 2nd part of Psalm 32: 8 has kept coming to my mind "... I will guide you with My eye." God bless you with every spiritual blessing in Christ :-).
ReplyDelete