Adoption after infertility: what is solves and what it doesn't

Today I am pleased to be writing for MercyFound Ministries, a ministry that "exists to connect with Christian adoptive and foster care families, promote local Gospel-centered community, and provide adoption education classes." I'm so pleased to join MercyFound Ministries in this worthy mission! When I was first approached about writing for MercyFound, I asked for a list of potential topics and they told me that they haven't had a lot of posts on the topic of infertility and adoption. I knew right away that this would be my subject, though it is not always an easy thing to write or talk about. The relationship between infertility and adoption can be a complicated one. It certainly has been for me. Here it goes... 
My husband John and I tried to get pregnant for over a year before we decided to adopt. However, when we made the move from trying to conceive to adopting, we didn’t put our hopes and dreams about conceiving to rest; we put them on hold. When brought our sweet, joyful, sensitive little boy home from Moscow in November 2012 we immediately started trying to conceive again. As I write, we have been undergoing fertility treatments for six months; among lots of diagnostic procedures, we’ve done three medicated IUIs and I had a laparoscopic surgery to remove endometriosis. Our infertility and adoption journeys are distinct but they’ve intertwined too. As I’ve walked both paths over the last four years, I can only describe the relationship between infertility and adoption as very, very complicated. Perhaps the best truth I’ve heard on the subject is this one: 
Adoption solves childlessness; it does not solve infertility.
Adoption solves childlessness. Over that first year+ when my husband and I failed to conceive, I often felt panicked. From the time I was a toddler, I imagined myself becoming a mother. As I matured through my preteen, teenage, and college years, the way I envisioned my future evolved to include different goals and desires, but the one thing that never changed was motherhood. Above all else, I wanted to be “Mama.”
John and I got serious about starting our family as I was finishing my master’s degree. As soon as my due date was projected to be after my graduation date, we started trying. I remember how many wonderful butterflies I felt in my stomach and chest as I pictured myself wearing my commencement robe with a big belly protruding underneath. As months and months went by, that dream faded and those butterflies turned into a constricting snake around my lungs. Everytime I imagined my future without children, I lost my breath.
At my graduation: baby belly-less. 


  1. So grateful I found you! Our stories are so similar. My husband and I tried to get pregnant for a year "without" help and a year "with" help. Including that laproscopic surgery to repair damage to my tubes due to endometriosis. What we were told is "IVF". Needing a break from fertility treatments and having a desire to adopt we instead pursued our first adoption. Matched with a beautiful young woman here in Tulsa, OK we were at the birth of our son, Samuel. We now enjoy a special OPEN adoption relationship with his birth mom. But, like you said, I couldn't let go of the dream to conceive. So in the fall of 2013 when we realized my husbands new insurance would cover an IVF cycle we made an appt for early this year. A month of blood work, mammograms, semen anaylsis, and a MMR booster followed. It all lead up to a very hopeful couple sitting in the Dr's office last Friday ready to hear when we could start a cycle. In stead we heard news we were not expecting. I was pre-menopausal and although my ovaries were working well enough for a period every month :( there were no viable eggs left within my ovaries. Shock and devastation. Over the weekend I grieved my dream of a pregnancy, and nursing and everything conceiving meant to me. I also had to grieve my birth family. Yes, I'm adopted. As an adopted child from the 1970's I don't know my birth family. So here I was feeling like I had no blood connection to anyone in the world...and I never would. So my grief had a level to it that I wasn't sure God could touch. But of course he did. He reminded me of His grace. And who I was before salvation. He reminded me of what a beautiful story He had written in our adoption. And I know he will redeem all of this. My story is HIS story and although I continue to grieve I rest in his sovereign plan for our life. Christina Domer, Tulsa, OK

  2. Great post.

    Side note: the music in the sochi opening ceremony made me think of you and Arie!

  3. would love to read the rest of this post but MercyFound seems to be no longer there. is there a way to read the rest of this post?


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