1/28/13

Being Mama

The occasion slipped by, a quiet mental note underneath the labor of caring for a sick child, but this weekend marked two months home for us.  Two months since our plane landed, carrying with it a puking child and a crying mama.  Two months since that rubber stamp marked my son's Russian passport. Two months since we walked out of that international airport for the third and final time.  Two months since I buckled my tiny little two-year-old into his car seat and drove home.


I've been offered two different reactions to this fact:

One: Only two months? Seems longer!

Two: Two months already? Seems shorter!

My response to both is: yep.


Time seems like such a useless thing in the face of something so divine, doesn't it? It fails completely to capture both the brevity and the fulness of a life, lost and found. So much has happened in the last two months. So much has become. Yet my son fits so perfectly into our lives- into our being- that I could also describe him as having been home forever. 

 

When he's walking beside me at the grocery store or playing quietly with our toys or singing loudly in the kitchen, he's been here forever. He's my son. He's Arie, who will wander toward the toy aisle but come right back when he's called. Most of the time.  He's Arie who will play quietly for a while but then come out to see what you're doing and push his stool right up next to you at the counter because he wants to be involved. He's Arie who loves to dance and sing and will make your cheeks ball up with a smile as he spins in a circle, tilting his head and carrying a favorite tune.


But when he's putting his arms around my neck and squeezing gently, but tighter than he's ever done before, he's a beautiful surprise. When he's waking up in the morning with giggles and smiles, he's a moment of epiphany. And when he's calling me Mama, he's a breathless wonder.


There are many ways to become a mother, all of them beautiful. Of them all, adoption is perhaps the most mysterious.  How divinely ordained the coming together of mother and child in this way.  How mysterious that in all the years and all the space of the universe, exactly the right child was brought to you. How it came out of brokenness but was redeemed by... redemption.

Arie is not mine by blood or birth.  He was not even mine by continent or country.  But he is mine, redemptively.  In all the wonderment and mystery that brought us together, I'm resting in the fact that by an act of divine redemption is a wonderful way to belong.


Two months home, being Mama is wonderful.

xo

9 comments:

  1. Anonymous1/28/2013

    Amazing. I love how you explain/define/explore adoption ... "How mysterious that in all the years and all the space of the universe, exactly the right child was brought to you. How it came out of brokenness but was redeemed by... redemption." I feel that way often about Kailyn ... how amazing it is that she is so like me yet not my birth child, so part of our family that she in many ways created it, so divinely appointed to be our child, my daughter. I never cease giving thanks for her. I am blown away by your blog Jillian .. thanks for posting as always. April

    ReplyDelete
  2. So very sweetly said.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm enthralled by your beautiful baby boy, your story, and your heart. I enjoy reading your words through my own smiles and tears and thanking God that he has united you with your son. Thank-you for the captivating words you write. Thank-you for sharing your wondrous journey!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I've been following your story for a while now. I don't usually comment but this post was just so beautifully written that I had to say something. Thank you for your words. Every post is so touching and inspiring. Thank you for blogging about your journey.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Wonderfully written - love it! I stumbled upon your blog via pinterest and when I saw you were adopting internationally I had to catch myself up on the story! I was moved to tears several times - you're a great writer and it's been great to see Arie's transformation! We hope to adopt internationally someday too :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. What a beautiful post! The pictures of the two of you make me smile. I'm so happy for you and your family. You are lucky to have your son just like Arie is lucky to have such great parents.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I wanted to tell you that your blog has been such an encouragement to me. Thank you for sharing your story and triumphs, your worries and the hard things in such a graceful way. I frequently need reminders that God knows when the right timing to call me to be a Mama might be...just like He worked in your lives to bring about redemption for both Arie and you and your husband. God is working, isn't he? Even when it doesn't feel like? Grace and peace to you, as you enjoy being a very special Mama. :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Beautiful. I LOVE the way you put words together. Thank you, again and always, for sharing your story and your heart!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Beautiful. I LOVE the way you put words together. Thank you, again and always, for sharing your story and your heart!

    ReplyDelete

I love reading your comments! Those left on posts older than 2 days will require moderation.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...