Seeing him again

His hair is a lot longer!  And there was lots of laughter.

But let me start at the beginning...

As we pull up to the black iron gate I remember so well from our last visit, I notice that everything looks exactly the same except the grass is covered in fallen yellow leaves from the white birch tree forest.  The very first time we came here the sky was brilliantly blue and the sun shone warmly on our faces.  Now, in mid-October, the sky is overcast, the wind is cold, and the ground is wet from a recent rain.  In the air hangs the familiar autumn smell of damp leaves and soil.

On our way inside, one of the baby home's dogs approaches to greet us.  We stop briefly to pet him and carry on. In the small lobby we remove our coats and shoes and place the slippers we brought on our feet.  Our translator signs us in at the security office and we make our way to an empty playroom.  It is the same playroom we used on that very first visit almost 3 months ago.

A beautiful  woman, I'd guess about 30 years old, joins us in the playroom as we wait for our little man. She speaks quickly in Russian to our translator with lots of laughter and exaggerated body language.  When her story is finished our translator tells us that this lady is the psychologist and she is saying that our little man is very intellectual- so much so that he hates to do physical activities.  She laughs as she tells us that when the physical therapist takes the children to play, our little man mostly just stands grumpily until it is over and he can work on a puzzle or look at a picture book.  Right now, she says, he is finishing his physical therapy and when she went to tell the therapist that we had arrived, she saw our little man playing ball with the therapist and another child- except the other child was having a blast catching the balls while our little man caught it once or twice and a while and threw it back with great disinterest.

If you know me at all, you know that this is my son! I am grinning ear-to-ear listening to this story and I tell the psychologist that he will fit in GREAT with me! Another person to couldn't-care-less-about-sports with.  Everyone laughs at my delight.

A few minutes later we hear some shuffling in the hall and our therapist tells us, "He is coming!"

The psychologist opens the door and our little man stops in the door frame when he sees us.  I crouch down in front of him smiling and saying, "Privet!" Hi! He studies my face for a minute, then John's- who is behind me- then mine again. He is looking at us as though we are familiar but he is not quite sure about us- almost like he can't place us.  What is gone, however, is any of the shyness or fear we saw when he met him in this room before.  He is still quiet at first, but there is no concern on his face. I take his hand to walk him into the room and he immediately begins to play.

First, we play with the blocks. Just like last time. While he plays the psychologist tells us that his language is really coming along.  At our last visit, he spoke 20 words and now he has many and can repeat any word they give him.  On cue, he opens a toy medical kit which is mis-filled with play tools.  Holding up the saw I say, "Saw!"  "Saw!" he repeats.

He is the smartest child ever.

We play for a while.  John and I reach out to rub his back and stroke his hair at every chance we get.  We softly kiss his cheeks and tell him we are Mama and Papa.

Soon I take out the bag of clothes and shoes I have brought with me to try on him.  I'm fairly certain he's going to fit 3T but I've brought along 2T and 24 month sizes as well, just in case.  The 24 month shirt fits and the 24 month pants are too long!  I know he will grow very quickly once we provide better nutrition for him (one adoptive mom said her toddler son grew four inches in the first month he was home!), but I am a little bit happy that he is still so small because he is my baby and I might be able to fit him into 18-month old baby pants for a while! The adorable size 6 shoes saddle shoes I brought fit him perfectly. If he still fits them in a month, he will wear them every chance I get!

The hat and mitts we brought fit him well but the coat is huge.  I guess I will have to go shopping when we get home. Oh the horror.  I can't wait.

Our little guy is so patient as I undress, dress, undress again, and re-dress him.  The way he obediently lifts his arms for his shirt and steps into his pants for me makes me wonder about his daily routines and who dresses him in the morning and puts his pajamas on at night.  I am aching to be that person and I tell myself to remember this moment when he is home and throwing a tantrum about what he wants to wear.

I ask John to put our little man's socks and shoes back on.  "Oh boy, " says John- a man who has never had the privilege of delighting in tiny toes or the challenge of putting a small shoe on a squirming foot.  John pulls him onto his lap and reaches for the sock.  I know this man is a true father when I see him reach down to tickle that little foot before the sock goes on.  Our little man is delighted and throws his head back into his papa's chest as he succumbs to a fit of ticklish giggles.

John is laughing just as hard.



Clothes and shoes back on, we return to the task of playing for the next hour.  We play with the doll house and our little man delights to show me a thimble sized doll cup and how it fits inside a tiny wooden cabinet.  Not the mention the sound it makes when shaken.

John and I eat a feast worth of play food and ohhh-and-ahhh over the skill our little chef demonstrates as he opens and slams the play oven oven door to bake a wooden apple, a plastic sausage, and the detachable staircase from the doll house.  Yum.

Too soon, a nanny comes to the door to call our little man for lunch.  He goes obediently to her and turns back to wave goodbye.  We both feel as though our hearts have dropped from the ceiling to the floor as we tidy up all the toys.

John says to me softly, "This is the last time we'll ever do this."

He means this is the last time we'll ever visit and say goodbye.  Next time we see him, all the fallen leaves from the birch trees will be covered in Russian snow and he'll be coming home with us.

Tomorrow we will go to the courts. We need your prayers.  We feel like our nerves are shot and we are so tired from both the jet-lag and the emotion of this trip.  Pray for our strength- both physically and of spirit.  We go before the judge at 10am which is 2am at home.  Our session should last about an hour, says our translator.  We are looking forward with great expectation to the rush of emotion and relief when it is over.

Thank you for your encouragement and support. You hold us up.  xo